“It’s our differences that make us better as a whole.”

— Alyson, Head Photographer at Jasper & Fern

After the heartache of finding myself surrounded by negative company too often in the past, I absolutely love and am grateful for now being surrounded by women who honestly want to see each other succeed. There are no ulterior motives, no people talking behind each others' backs - just women stepping in to share their knowledge and skill for the betterment of others.

Branding Portrait for marketing coach, Mallory Schlabach. | Winston-Salem On location Brand Photography | Jasper & Fern

One of my favorite parts about my job is the opportunity to build community and support another small businesses' success. It's about more than creating pretty pictures. It's learning your needs, getting to see where you're going and be involved in your vision. It's stepping into the world you're passionate about and connecting with your heart.

I've always said that each person has been created with unique gifts with which they can use to impact their community. It's our differences that make us better as a whole. It's our choice to use those gifts for the betterment of those around us.

"I never thought this whole aging thing would affect me... but it really has. Probably because of the toxic relationship I was in - so I feel and look much older than I probably would have. I didn't take care of myself because of the stress and depression I was going through at the time. My body, skin, hair, nails, face - pretty much everything in a matter of just a few years has changed drastically. The stress didn't help." Her story resounded with a deep note in my heart, a pain I carried for years. That voice still clear in my own head "you are worthless." 

You see, our brains are wired to find proof and come to conclusions. Two plus two equals four, an equation that comes to the exact same conclusion every time. Therefore, this equation, this conclusion is proof and truth. We are told "the earth is round;" We are taught foundational truths about how life works, what is important and what is unimportant. We are shown photographs, charts, personal experiences, all this data that supports the claim that we are worthless, that we are ugly, that we are less than. The more often we hear these statements and the more people we hear them from, our brain and our understanding and our beliefs accept "The Earth is round - this is fact."

“We believe that it must be true, that we are worthless and no one cares.”

When we are told time and again, "you are worthless," "you're not smart," "you're ugly," "no one cares about you," "you're a waste of space" "you're too old to be pretty" our brains begin to wire themselves to that belief system. We believe that it must be true because the equation adds up to the conclusion that we are worthless and no one cares. Our perspective and perception is influenced and we begin to act from those beliefs. For each person, the pain of not mattering looks different. It can be manifested in depression, self harm, suicidal thoughts and attempts. It can be manifested in obsessive weight gain or weight loss, plastic surgery glorification, constant appearance maintenance, appearance and action compulsion. We desperately seek to prove the conclusion wrong by altering ourselves and seeking other measures of success and worth.

As women, we are often told that we don't measure up, that we aren't capable. We are given specific standards to live up to - standards that eliminate the benefits of a diverse gender. Once we hit 27, we're no longer "pretty." Once we're in our 30's we'd better try and "rescue our youth." Once we hit 40, we're just bitter hags. Once we're 50, we're gruff, abrasive and too big for ourselves. All of these standards combined with toxic environments, self doubt and insecurities leave as wanting to be more or something different and forgetting that we are wonderful creatures. 

“Once we hit 27, we’re no longer “pretty.” Once we’re in our 30’s we’d better try and “rescue our youth.” Once we hit 40, we’re just bitter hags. Once we’re 50, we’re gruff, abrasive and too big for ourselves.”

It can be painful and difficult to remember who we REALLY are and who we were created to be when so many factors are tearing at us. Seek out people who will surround you with love and positivity. Celebrate yourself; celebrate being you. You ARE beautiful. You have worth  Embrace how you feel - the good and the bad thoughts; honor and love on those feelings and know that you are not alone, KNOW that you are loved deeply. This transformation is going to accentuate the beauty you already possess. You'll get there. Keep fighting. Keep your head up. Keep loving on you.

“For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.”

— Psalm 139:13-16

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