"Confessions here…. the kind if you’re an entrepreneur or a business owner - the uncomfortable kind that you often second guess sharing. Well, I’m sharing anyway because I wanted to share the encouragement I found from the lesson I learned." | Winston-Salem Photographer | Quotes for the Female Entrepreneur | She is Not Me | Inspirational Quotes | Life Lessons for the working woman | Dealing with Comparison in the Workplace |

Entrepreneurial confessions here…. You know the kind if you’re an entrepreneur or a business owner - the uncomfortable kind that you often second guess sharing. Well, I’m sharing anyway because I wanted to share the encouragement I found from the lesson I learned.

You see, recently I found myself discouraged because another local photographer- who I just so happen to admire and support - started working with a brand I'd been aiming to work with. This realization was followed with some harsh criticisms for myself and then a significant mood drop - and zero celebration for the other photographer. I'm not proud to say it but, I was having a pity party for myself - and it's embarrassing to admit that I was struggling with being supportive.

After some course-correcting from a friend (who you surround yourself with is important!!) I started to think further outside of my initial microscopic perspective. Then, again, when another friend shared about a lost friendship and how we all make our own decisions and dream our own dreams, the puzzle pieces fell a little further into place.

SHE IS NOT ME.

This realization shifted my internal perspective and I found healing. Fundamentally, I know we are all different, I know we all are created uniquely, however, I often hear harsh whispers in my brain showing me I fell short. So when "she is not me" hit my heart and not just my head, there was peace.

And that's what I want to encourage you all with today. I hope each of you who struggle with the competitiveness of being an entrepreneur or aiming to keep your position or going for a promotion - THEY ARE NOT YOU. Yes, what you have to offer is phenomenal. What they have to offer is phenomenal also. Sometimes someone else will be a better fit and that narrows down your path just a little bit more to the people, the person, the brand, the better timing, the position that is the better fit for you. I want to remind you today, like I've been having to remind myself, SHE IS NOT ME.

Sharing with you this fickle southern winter Tuesday a moment of facing self doubt, embracing insecurities, embracing capabilities and turning a debilitating moment into motivation and self acceptance.

https://youtu.be/Zz1Rnii6wjU

I have a secret. I'm a recovering people pleaser. Yup. I used to bend over backwards and even circle back around to make people happy. I would constantly sacrifice myself and sacrifice my family. I wanted to make everyone happy and have everyone to like me.

I ruined myself being a "people pleaser." I also damaged my relationships that mattered. The people who were repeatedly taking from me weren't my true friends and family. These people may have seemed like friends before I realized what was truly happening, the lack of balance of give and take in our relationship, and my true friends and family suffered.

I learned my lesson the hard way when I put my family in a tight spot. I realized what I was doing to them. That I wasn't nurturing our relationships as I should because I was draining myself into other people, people who didn't care if I ran dry. I realized that it wasn't okay to allow my family to be treated that way and, therefore, it wasn't okay for me to be treated that way either. So, I quit the trait.

It's quite an adjustment, stepping away and setting boundaries. I've struggled with the guilt of saying "no." I feel ashamed and selfish and can get down on myself. Then, I remind myself to look at the situation from someone else's perspective. If I substitute someone in my place and play out the same scenario and come to the same conclusion that "no" is an okay answer, I can tell my self-doubting-insecurities that I'm not wrong. If it truly turns out to be a selfish situation, I change my attitude and my answer.

I use this same tactic of building my self respect and self value when it comes to people's approval of me. There are definitely people I desire to have approval from - family, friends and peers. That's just the people-pleaser nature in me. There have been times that I've questioned my value because someone else doesn't acknowledge it. I've let their "disapproval" swallow me and deter me.

My biggest realization? That's on me. It's my job to always do my best, no matter if it's noticed or acknowledged. It's my responsibility to know and build my worth. It's my responsibility to set boundaries, keep them and react properly when they are pushed.  Most importantly, it's my responsibility to harbor love in my heart, always, for others and myself.

So, you know that specific affirmation you're looking for from that one person or group? You don't need it. Would it be nice to have? Yes. Would you appreciate and treasure it? Of course. Would that affirmation make you any more valuable? NO. You are already valuable. If you're thinking about and seeking that affirmation it's because some part of you already knows and believes you deserve it. Don't rely on someone else to confirm your value. 

#embracingme