Flunking, Failure & Fear | Winston-Salem Photographer
When I was in middle school, I entered a Walmart photo contest. I was one of two participants and ended up winning a small digital camera out of it. While it was awkward to have been only one of two contestants, it was exciting to have my photographs acknowledged by someone outside the circle of my friends and family.
Not long after this contest, I won a photography contest for a North Carolina conservationist group and had my very first publication in Our State Magazine. Then, I stopped entering contests - stuck in imposter syndrome, fearing a failure that would confirm my recognitions had been flukes. After all, I told myself, maybe there weren't very many people entering these contests - just like the Walmart contest.
My head became my enemy.
I continued photographing what I loved while simultaneously growing more and more apprehensive anytime people enjoyed my work.
The last time I ever entered a contest was for a college scholarship. I felt like a fish out of water, competing beside my soon-to-be classmates - who appeared WAY more competent than me.
This insecurity (among others) is something I'd battled for a very long time. I held myself back, lost out on positions and opportunities because I didn't believe in myself. It was eating at me until the day I flunked my photography class.
Yes, I flunked a photography class. On the spot, in fact, in the middle of a critique. This moment, however, was pivotal in my photography career and personal life.
On this day, I stood up for myself and my work, defending it against a photo professor (thus the subsequent flunking) I had put my heart and hard work into the pieces I created. They were starkly different than my peers, yet I'd managed to stick to the assignment while also being creatively me - and that made me love my photographs all the more.
Standing there, defending my photographs, I stood taller than I had in a long time. From that moment forward, I began to regain my confidence in my work and value my perspective as a creative.
Still, I refrained from entering contests. Until recently, that is. There's a global photography contest held every year and I decided this was my year to give it a go. With 100,000 people involved from 160.countries, 583,000 photographs submitted and 100+ million votes cast, I was curious to see where I finished.
In the end, I was thrilled with my results. Out of the 49 photographs I entered, 2 of my photographs were finalists, 2 were in the top 10%, 3 were in the top 20% and 5 were in the top 30%.
Revisiting the experience of entering contests, putting myself forth to be judged, was still awkward. Instead of shrinking back though, this has been a humbling encouragement and a kind reminder to believe in myself.
Fresh snowfall on the Coffee Park Airstream on a quiet Winston-Salem winter night. Soft fluffy snowflakes falling, lit by the warm street lamps.
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